Waiting

How do you do "waiting?" Are you a Type-A, make things happen, go-get-'em person who can't stand to wait a second more than necessary? Are you patient, willing to let others go first, open to the discovery that comes with a slower pace? Are you in between?

I am about now. And NOW. Right now. Do it now, finish it now, read it now, experience it now. This now-ness can lead to exhaustion, and chronic busy-ness, and a closing-off from life. It's why I took a break from this blog. It's why I work myself so close to burnout, so often. Now is the best time.

So much of life is really about how well you do while you're waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting for the doctor. Waiting for that special someone. Waiting for justice. Waiting for Christmas morn ing and presents and family and food!

And Mary, how did she feel about waiting? Waiting for the baby to come, waiting for everything to change, waiting for God-With-Us.

This season, I'm asking myself if I can find the sacred in the waiting. Is there peace in the unknown? Is there rest in the in-between times? Can I make space in the waiting for the Divine to come to me?

Wishing you peace and sanctity in your Advent, whatever that may look like for you.

Under its Spell

If I were an author, this is the book I would love to write. Magical, mysterious, imaginative, seductive, beautiful, dark, hopeful, and enchanting. This book is brilliant.

This Side

Lyrics by Sean Watkins, Nickel Creek

One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean -
Take her or leave her she will still be the same.
She'll not try to buy you with her time,
But nothing's the same, as you will see when she's gone.

It's foreign on this side,
And I'll not leave my home again.
There's no place to hide,
And I'm nothing but scared.

You dream of colors that have never been made;
You imagine songs that have never been played.
They will try to buy you and your mind.
Only the curious have something to find.

It's foreign on this side,
And the truth is a bitter friend.
But reasons few have I to go back again.

Your first dawn blinded you, left you cursing the day.
Entrance is crucial and it's not without pain.
There's no path to follow, once you're here.
You'll climb up the slide and then you'll slide down the stairs.

It's foreign on this side,
But it feels like I'm home again.
There's no place to hide,
But I don't think I'm scared.

Hibernation

I've gone underground in my psyche lately, hibernating and burrowing and retreating. TH and I have have pared down our activities to the minimums. I'm focusing my energy on more elemental things - what feeds me, what I believe, what I create. It's very refreshing work; it's also very personal work; it's private. When my Spring comes, I may share my blossoms. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm still here, I'm still me, all is well.

The Pledge

I, Jen the Lion Tamer, promise to embrace whimsy in all her forms. To seek out the secret alleyways which hold the sideshows. To live with the freaks and the tightrope walkers, the clowns and the fortune tellers, and to learn from them how to dazzle with whatever I have on hand - whether it be spangles and feathers, or the most faded of velets. I will learn to be both resplendent and shabby, struggling and triumphant, a learner and an expert. Above all I promise to faithfully follow my creative impulse even she takes the show on the road.

The Lion Tamer is calm under the most hair-raising circumstances. She does what no one else dreams and make it look easy. Humane and skilled, she uses every trick she knows (and some she intuits) to calm the raging beasts. Likes: wildlife, being in control, long vacations, and costumes. Dislikes: fur coats, being underestimated, feeling trapped.

For more Circus personas, see this site. Thanks to Rachelle at Magpie Girl for awakening my whimsy.