a page from her book

Waiting

2011-12-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

How do you do "waiting?" Are you a Type-A, make things happen, go-get-'em person who can't stand to wait a second more than necessary? Are you patient, willing to let others go first, open to the discovery that comes with a slower pace? Are you in between?

I am about now. And NOW. Right now. Do it now, finish it now, read it now, experience it now. This now-ness can lead to exhaustion, and chronic busy-ness, and a closing-off from life. It's why I took a break from this blog. It's why I work myself so close to burnout, so often. Now is the best time.

So much of life is really about how well you do while you're waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting for the doctor. Waiting for that special someone. Waiting for justice. Waiting for Christmas morn ing and presents and family and food!

And Mary, how did she feel about waiting? Waiting for the baby to come, waiting for everything to change, waiting for God-With-Us.

This season, I'm asking myself if I can find the sacred in the waiting. Is there peace in the unknown? Is there rest in the in-between times? Can I make space in the waiting for the Divine to come to me?

Wishing you peace and sanctity in your Advent, whatever that may look like for you.

Under its Spell

2011-09-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

If I were an author, this is the book I would love to write. Magical, mysterious, imaginative, seductive, beautiful, dark, hopeful, and enchanting. This book is brilliant.

This Side

2011-09-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

Lyrics by Sean Watkins, Nickel Creek

One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean -
Take her or leave her she will still be the same.
She'll not try to buy you with her time,
But nothing's the same, as you will see when she's gone.

It's foreign on this side,
And I'll not leave my home again.
There's no place to hide,
And I'm nothing but scared.

You dream of colors that have never been made;
You imagine songs that have never been played.
They will try to buy you and your mind.
Only the curious have something to find.

It's foreign on this side,
And the truth is a bitter friend.
But reasons few have I to go back again.

Your first dawn blinded you, left you cursing the day.
Entrance is crucial and it's not without pain.
There's no path to follow, once you're here.
You'll climb up the slide and then you'll slide down the stairs.

It's foreign on this side,
But it feels like I'm home again.
There's no place to hide,
But I don't think I'm scared.

Hibernation

2011-09-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've gone underground in my psyche lately, hibernating and burrowing and retreating. TH and I have have pared down our activities to the minimums. I'm focusing my energy on more elemental things - what feeds me, what I believe, what I create. It's very refreshing work; it's also very personal work; it's private. When my Spring comes, I may share my blossoms. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm still here, I'm still me, all is well.

The Pledge

2011-08-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

I, Jen the Lion Tamer, promise to embrace whimsy in all her forms. To seek out the secret alleyways which hold the sideshows. To live with the freaks and the tightrope walkers, the clowns and the fortune tellers, and to learn from them how to dazzle with whatever I have on hand - whether it be spangles and feathers, or the most faded of velets. I will learn to be both resplendent and shabby, struggling and triumphant, a learner and an expert. Above all I promise to faithfully follow my creative impulse even she takes the show on the road.

The Lion Tamer is calm under the most hair-raising circumstances. She does what no one else dreams and make it look easy. Humane and skilled, she uses every trick she knows (and some she intuits) to calm the raging beasts. Likes: wildlife, being in control, long vacations, and costumes. Dislikes: fur coats, being underestimated, feeling trapped.

For more Circus personas, see this site. Thanks to Rachelle at Magpie Girl for awakening my whimsy.

You can join the dance

2011-07-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

No matter your skills, your abilities, you can join the dance. See the Axis Dance Company and this clip from "So You Think You Can Dance."

When the dog bites

2011-05-15T09:20:00.001-07:00

cute summer sandals, and doughnuts with sprinkles...
TH's smile (it brings out his wrinkles)...
new books that open up worlds on their wings....

these are a few of my favorite things...

Can't we be friends?

2011-05-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

or, I've got some good news and some bad news.

I just learned today that a dear friend of mine is now a parent. That's the good news. I know he and his wife have been wanting children, and it's always a celebration when new life starts.

The bad news is that this dear friend of mine and I are not really friends any more. How can this have happened? We were close as brother and sister, but I haven't talked to him in over a year. When I reach out to him, I get an email back, months later, cc'ed to his wife.

To be clear, I don't mind that his focus is on his wife and marriage. What I mind is having my message un-returned for weeks and weeks. I mind that even when I did last see him, I spent more time with his fiancee than talking with him about the upcoming wedding. She, while friendly, is not my friend - he is. Or was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is it about men and women and friendships? Why do some people have such a difficult time with their partners being friends with the opposite sex? Is it because I grew up with an older brother that having men friends doesn't seem weird to me? Is it because TH has lots of women friends, that me having men friends doesn't seem strange? I was never a threat to this woman's relationship with my friend, or so it seemed from my perspective.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wish them well. But I miss my friend.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

or, Jesus was a good egg.

Happy Easter! So on Sunday, the Easter Bunny left lots of candy eggs for the little children to find....No? OK, so on Sunday, we celebrate Easter by gathering as a family and eating a big ham and lots of jelly beans...Still no? So, on Sunday, we do nothing. NO?! Well what does it mean then?

For me, Easter is a beautiful celebration of hope and renewal. Because I follow Jesus, Easter marks the remembrance of his resurrection. It is a key story in the Bible where women are featured as important witnesses to his unbelievable recovery. It is a reminder to me of the hope and new life that I find in my faith.

But what does this have to do with eggs?, I wondered, as I watched my nieces run around the yard, seeking out their bright treasure-filled plastic eggs. You can read some of the Easter egg history here. Interesting, yeah? Especially the history of the egg in multiple belief systems. Some symbols are too powerful for one story.

I think Jesus was a good egg (slang for a good person). He stood up to the powerful, and stood up for the weak in his society. He reminded people not to be so hasty to judge and condemn others (even awful people like women, the sick, the tax collectors, and Samaritans). He broke the rules of organized religion. He loved people. He wanted people to know him and to know God in new and radical ways. He taught that there are blessings to be found in our weakest situations. He led by serving.

I would like to be more like Jesus.

He is risen. Let there be...new life, renewal, hope, and faith.

Happy Easter!

Spring in my Valley

2011-04-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome, Spring. Welcome, brisk breezes that smell of pollen and green and wet earth. Welcome, birdsong. Welcome, sun on my face. Welcome, flowers and grass and leaves.

A moveable fast

2011-03-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

Lent begins today, with Ash Wednesday. In previous years, I've considered carefully what to give up or release for Lent. Usually it has involved giving up shopping, books, doughnuts, or other things I dearly, dearly love. Sometimes it has meant adding extra Calculated Acts of Kindness or shedding yucky old habits. This year I am stumped. And unmotivated. And sluggish.

But I like this phrase, "a moveable fast." It speaks to the crossroads where I find myself this year. It accommodates a shifting of priorities. It allows for the change-up of my ideas about what it means to be faithful, to be in relationship with God, to be a Christ-follower. It makes room for me to be a person of depth and thoughtfulness, even when I don't feel deep or thoughtful. It reflects the sense that there is something unrooted and undecided. It allows me to adjust the fast, the sacrifice, to where I am now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've had the sense lately that simplicity is knocking on my door. I usually get an urge to clean-sort-discard in the springtime. But this feels different. It feels MORE. (Ha. More simplicity.) It's like I've got a different want/need button in my brain. A smaller one, that takes longer to activate. I dig it, though. It's a good thing. But I haven't figured out what I want to do with this new guest yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sacrificing complexity and excess? Sounds about right for this year's moveable fast.

Are you in a season of sacrifice? What are you called to give up or make right?

Celebrating

2011-03-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my birthday, and today I celebrate:

Doughnuts and cupcakes and treats, oh my! My sweet tooth is happy. (And my dentist loves my teeth, so no nagging about cavities.)
A day off work tomorrow!
A brand new book for my day off work.

Tomorrow I celebrate:

A date with a friend for lunch.
A date with myself for the afternoon.
A date with TH for dinner.

But perhaps most importantly, every day, I celebrate my life. I like myself. I like this body, this mind, this heart, this soul. I'm proud of who I am and who I've been and who I'm becoming. I like this life that I live everyday, that touches others and struggles and triumphs. I like this circle of friends, this love of my life, this family. I like this work that inspires and frustrates and creates opportunities and opens doors. I like this leisure time, filled with music and cute shoes and friends and spirit-seeking and books and good food. I like life.

Happy Birthday to me!

Quiet moments of victory

2011-02-17T16:33:00.001-08:00

Sometimes when I least expect it, life sneaks a laurel crown onto my head.

Lately my most deeply satisfying moments have been small and all-but-overlooked. Case in point: when I started my current job on a college campus in student disability services, I was fresh out of counseling grad school. I knew in my bones that my gifts included a way to make new connections, to form community, and to weave bonds between campus departments. I wanted to start seeing the campus consider disability as a matter of course, not as an afterthought. I wanted to empower other departments to think of disability as part of diversity, and as a result of their connections with me and my office. I wanted to make the most of my job and my education.

Almost 5 years later, I am seeing fruit. A colleague in a department with whom I've been cultivating connection stopped me in the hall today and let me know she advised a public relations rep to include a Deaf student and signing in a video representing campus diversity. She did not ask my advice, nor that of my department - the idea came to her on its own, and she spoke up at a key time. It was a deeply satisfying moment.

I wonder where I got the idea that success comes quickly, and is loud and shines golden, lighting up me and all those around me? It's such a myth, this fast and flashy Nike. More important is the slow and steady work of building: block by steady, dull, dusty block. And waiting. And staying committed.

And staying present for the quiet moments, when Nike actually shows up.

Always look on the bright side

2011-02-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Last night, Insomnia paid me a visit. Again. Call it the gift of shifting hormones and an overactive imagination. But instead of lying in bed frustrated that I couldn't sleep, I tried to see the gift in it. I listened to the rain beat down, to TH's steady breathing, to the cat purring. I tried to enjoy the sensation of snuggling in the warm bed, knowing outside was cold and dark and wet. It seemed to work.

How can you look on the bright side?

All you need is love

2011-02-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

What do you believe about love?

I believe I have a responsibility to love in an active and social and global way. It is a call of my faith, and a deep truth that resonates within me. Love needs to be the foundation, the reason, the spring from which all my other activities flow. It's like this:
If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

But love is not just an action and a motivation. It is a resting place. It's like this:
When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Hap'ly I think on thee - and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 29

And love has the power to change everything. It's like this:
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
- Zora Neale Hurston

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's Valentine's Day. What do you believe about love?

Solotasking

2011-02-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

When I considered resolutions and what to work on this year, one main goal came to mind: to minimize multitasking. I'm really not that good at doing multiple things at the same time. And the more multitasking I do, the more I notice my brain losing its edge. I find I can't settle down with a book for an afternoon. I can't eat a meal without hopping up to take care of something else. I can't watch TV without a magazine in my lap. I can't stay focused at work and lose track of what I am doing. I stop mid-chore to start another.

For me, this must change.

Research is reflecting that multitasking is not that great. Here is an excellent article. As you can see from my prior post, my thoughts are already an overlapping pile of data, and it's driving me nuts. So in the quest for a calmer brain, and a sharper brain, I'm working on solotasking. I'm working on what is in this moment. I'm trying to immerse myself in information, not surf it. I'm focusing on doing one task well, reading one book thoroughly, leaving the email unanswered for now.

Do you have any tips for breaking the multitasking habit?

Tour of my Brain

2011-02-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

What goes on in my brain, on any given day and at any given time and in any given order:

I'm Hungry.
Stuck song. Typically my mind gnaws on at least one song a day, ad infinitum. Today's edition: "I Gotta Feeling/Boom Boom Pow" by the Black-eyed Peas. Courtesy of the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
Work thoughts. Followed by,
Thoughts on the next vacation. Not necessarily in a desperate, must-escape-my-life way (although some days are like that). More of a what adventure comes next? way. Usually a few different destinations float around until it's actually time to plan. Right now Honduras, cruising, and Kauai are at the top, with Kauai the #1 hope.
Did I lock the car/house; turn off the iron/toaster/humidifier/other appliance? Followed by, I must have, because I ALWAYS lock the car/house, etc.
I'm Hungry.
I want to know more about... Followed by whatever is the topic du jour. Today it was, English royal history, particularly the Tudors. This is thanks to reading The Other Boleyn Girl for my book club. Wikipedia and internet searches usually ensue. Followed by,
What was it like to be a woman/poor/educated/insert social justice issue here/etc. at that time and place? Followed by earnest thanksgiving for my current state, imperfect though it is.
Work thoughts. Need another worker for this time frame...
I wonder what TH is doing/thinking/feeling right now.
Thoughts about friends, their lives, their struggles and joys.
Thoughts about family, their lives, their struggles and joys.
How many hours/minutes till yoga/running/walking around campus?
Shoot. I forgot to (insert errand here).
"I Gotta FEELING..." Ack! Need a new song...
If I pay XXX dollars every month, how soon will I be able to pay off the credit card/save for vacation/save for a piano/ etc.? Followed by,
Do I want my XXX dollars to go to the credit card or do I want them to go to vacation/piano/etc.? Followed by,
Should I feel guilty because I want XXX dollars to go to one thing instead of the other? Followed by,
Does everyone secondguess themselves about this stuff or is it just me?
"BOOM BOOM POW" Ack! Curse you, Black-eyed Peas!
Hungry again!
Work thoughts. Do we really need to complain about the copier every.time.we.use.it?
Wonder what's new on facebook/Internet/blogosphere.
If I go to bed at 8:00, will I wake up at 4:00? Followed by,
Is it sad that I want to go to bed at 8:00?
Did I lock the door/turn off the lights/etc. Yes, because I ALWAYS lock the door/turn off the lights etc.
If I pair that top and those pants and these shoes, will it be cute or not?

It's exhausting, I tell you.

At the end of a long week

2011-02-04T16:13:00.000-08:00

Week 2 of the semester is done and gone. January is a memory. I'm so tired my eyeballs ache. My colleagues and I are stumbling around the office making goofy mistakes; at home TH and I are trying not to put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. Seems like I'm constantly hungry and eating every carb in sight (although the crashes from this are contributing to the problem). TH and I can barely manage takeout and TV, most nights, and tumble into bed around 9:00.

Thank goodness this is temporary.

I hope.

Like riding a bike. Or getting back on the horse.

2011-01-26T16:34:00.001-08:00

or, How I Started Running Again

I just did it.

Two of my coworkers mentioned on Monday that they planned to hit the track at lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This turned out to be just the kick in the pants I needed to Start Running Again. It's been several months, due to the heat of summer (which lasts from late April to late October, usually). And I was skeptical that I would even have any energy or zest left for running. It just seemed like a big ordeal to Start Running Again.

But I turned to the trusty Couch-to-5K Plan, hauled tush out to the track, and Started Running Again. And it was easier than I expected. Thankfully. So now I can relax and run, and enjoy what I've always enjoyed about running - the outdoors, working out, feeling strong, and knowing I am doing something good for my body.

What have you started over with this year?

It's a new day

2011-01-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

And a new year...so it's time for some reflection.

What do I want from this year? Am I on the right track? How can I take better care of myself and those I love?

As has become our habit, TH and I escaped for a couple of weeks of vacation. It was the best of times...it was the worst of times. Fighting insomnia, head colds, and other vacation maladies, we did not always feel our best. Still, it was a reprieve from the everyday. It was an adventure and a chance to make each other laugh about our predicaments. These times are crucial for my sense of self and sense of well-being. As my days off wind to a close, I'm left again with the ongoing question: how do I bring the vacation into the everyday? How can I live my daily life in a sense of wonder?

Hope to see you along the way, this year.

Interesting times / Times for faith

2010-12-21T15:33:00.000-08:00

Musings on faith during Advent.

"May you live in interesting times." Reputed to be an old Chinese saying or curse, these words have been bouncing around in my head for several months. This country, this era in which I find myself is stretching me to my perceived limits. The American people, the American government, American attitudes, politicians' attitudes, students' attitudes; rage, despair, depression; deficits, unemployment, lack of basic needs and services; consumerist, me-centric culture; all of these are weighing on me. As if it's up to me to fix it all. Interesting times, indeed.

And now: the end of a year, the beginning of a season, the shifting from dark to light, the persistence of the Magi, a child born in Bethlehem all point to faith and hope.

How hard it is, when things get dark, to focus on the light. Yet, that is what a faith-walk calls us to do. Faith is confidence or trust. By its definition, it is applied to what is NOT seen, what is NOT experienced. The times when I least feel faith are the times when I most need faith. This paradox is tough for me. It would be easier to give up, to think that God has lost track of us sorry humans, to believe that no good will come from these "interesting times."

And yet. Martin Luther King , Jr. said "Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that." It is only by recognizing the light that the darkness can fade. Sometimes recognizing the light means knowing the light is coming, it's coming, it's HERE! Sometimes recognizing the light means bringing light back in faith, when there's no evidence of it. When it's dark. When it's interesting times.

...Lux venit...Happy Solstice...For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given... In the beginning was the Word...

"Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark." - Scandinavian saying.

May I be that bird in these interesting times.

It's that time of year....

2010-12-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

My version of the Christmas Waltz.

It's that time of year, when the students melt down,
Ev'ry word you hear is a whine: "No one told me...
It's your fault, I'm gonna COMPLAIN!!"
And this song of theirs, full of "it's not fair"s,
Will give me and mine migraines.

Finals end Dec. 17. Yes, I'm counting the days.

Thanks, and Thanks, and Ever Thanks

2010-11-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

In no particular order, I give thanks for:

Health
Wealth (relative to the rest of the world, we're rolling in it)
Love
Faith
Friends
Family
Food every day. An excess of it.
Books, music, hobbies, and the time to enjoy them
Education
Hope
DOUGHNUTS

I am thankful that:

I am a woman.
I am educated.
I have resources and support and know how to access them.

My life is full and rich and important in all the ways that matter to me. What other response is there, but thanksgiving?

I can no other answer make, but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.... Shakespeare

May you be blessed in all the ways that matter to you. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Book Reviews

2010-11-22T14:27:00.001-08:00

The latest good books from my bookbasket:

1. Broken for You, by Stephanie Kallos. Luminous, sentimental without being maudlin, and a beautiful story about losing and finding, breaking and mending. Margaret Hughes has just been diagnosed with brain cancer and decides to open her Seattle mansion to boarders. Her first, Wanda Schultz, is nursing a broken heart. The two women come to know each other with help from breaking the pilfered antique ceramic treasures that fill Margaret's house. Wonderful characters and deeper meaning if you want it but doesn't beat you over the head.

2. A Reliable Wife, by Robert Goolrick. Gothic and dark and redemptive. Suspenseful and chilling and surprisingly warm. Ralph Truitt, magnate and the most important man in the small town of Truitt, Wisconsin, has sent away for a wife. Catherine Land, an enigmatic and calculating drifter, has answered his ad. Each with their own reasons, each with their own attempts to manipulate the other into the life they think they want, the two tell each other their stories. Set during a cold, bleak winter, this is a powerful story. I enjoyed Goolrick's unique writing style.

3. The Distant Hours, by Kate Morton. My current favorite author's newest tome. Morton's books are layered and thick and secretive and satisfying. This story weaves together publisher Edie Burchill, her mother's history as a WWII evacuee from London, a crumbling castle in Kent, the three daughters of a famed author, the famed author's most popular work, and all of the secrets, heartbreaks, and tragedies carried by each of them. A slow start and multiple story strands keep this from being a quick read, but the end result is stunning.

4. A Vintage Affair, by Isabel Wolff. This book tries really hard to be Important, but it's just a well-written story, and that's just fine. Phoebe Swift leaves her Sotheby's job to open a vintage clothing shop. In the course of collecting beautiful clothing for the store, she meets the ill Mrs. Bell and learns the story behind the fashion and the woman. Side plots are filled with loving and yummy details about beautiful couture, a splash of romantic "should she or shouldn't she" choice between men, and many likable characters. This book will not challenge your worldview but certainly redeems itself from being just another fluffy chick lit selection.

5. Annie's Ghosts, by Steve Luxenberg. In the 1990's, Luxenberg, a journalist, discovers the existence of a mentally ill and physically disabled aunt whom he never knew and who died in 1972. Learning this shocking news just before his mother dies, he and his siblings wrestle with whether or not to investigate. It took several years before he decided to look into the story. This memoir covers family secrets, a sobering look into mental health institutions and treatments, and continually asks (often poignantly) why? Fascinating read.

What have you been reading lately?

Late Bloomer

2010-11-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

After an unusually long and mild Indian Summer, Fall has finally fallen here in my valley.

A golden tunnel of ginkgo trees lines one walkway on campus. It is so gloriously exquisite that I want to soak in it so I can feel it on my skin. I want to bite into it so I can taste it. I want to be a part of it, to twist my branches and watch the air glow with my color, watch the sultry tango of my leaves from stem to ground.

I have a crick in my neck and the goofiest expression from leaning back and goggling. Simply stunning, this late bloomer of an Autumn.

Longing

2010-11-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

Beautiful words, from the book Grange House, by Sarah Blake (2000).

___________________________________________________

She thought a minute, then leaned forward. "Tell me, Maisie. What is it that you wish?"

"I wish-" Again sounded the foghorn's soft remonstrance to the incoming weather. "For someone to point me toward a place where I may go, where I might put down all this yearning in me."

"Toward what?" Her eyes were fixed on me.

I looked at her. What? What indeed? "I do not know. I cannot say. Papa might have told me."

"I doubt your papa ever would have told you what to do."

"No, but he taught me, introduced me to other minds....He would have shown me how to grow to be like them, to fit into the shapes they held open."

"What shapes?"

"Shapes, shapes, Miss Grange. Shapes of possibility. For a life."

She sat back. "Your father could never have shown you that. Never," she finished softly.

"Because he died?"

"Because he could not show you what to be - only your longing, that precious longing can show you."

___________________________________________________

What is your longing showing you?

The world won't fall apart if I...

2010-11-08T11:29:00.001-08:00

Fill in the blank:

The world won't fall apart if I....

.....cancel appointments when I am sick.

.....spend the afternoon on the couch instead of dusting and mending and cleaning and sorting.

.....eat instant mashed potatoes, if that's all that sounds good to my upset tummy.

.....don't practice piano for a few days.

.....am not perfect.

Feel free to add to the list.

The Kismet of Leeks

2010-11-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

As I wandered the farmer's market Saturday, I found myself craving leeks. Introduced last fall to these lovely mild cousins to onions and garlic, I found I loved them and enjoyed cooking with them. They're so delicious and versatile.

Leeks of Destiny

So I was sad that I didn't see any in the market. But I just checked our farmshare box ingredients for this week, and on the list? LEEKS!!

Kismet, I tell you.

3 R's

2010-10-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

Not reading, (w)riting, and (a)rithmetic. Rest, reflection, and rejuvenation. I'm long overdue for some of my favorite relaxing activities, and will be taking a break over the next several days to pursue them.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." -- Ovid

I'm just sayin'.

2010-10-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

When I see young girls in "skinny jeans," and said girls are - how shall I put this - NOT SKINNY, I worry that they are going to ooze right out of their pants like toothpaste out of a tube squeezed from the bottom up. When they get up after having sat down, how do they not get up right on out of their pants?

Am I the only one who worries about this?

Homemade graham crackers

2010-10-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

From scratch graham crackers. And vegan, too. These will make tasty snacks for me this week, along with some farmers' market jam.

Lessons from the Supervisor's Notebook

2010-10-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

When my expectations from my workers are high, I get quality results. When my expectations are low, I get poor results.

When I am clear about my expectations, my workers know what they need to do.

When I put myself in my workers' shoes, I am better able to give them the information they need to do a good job.

When my workers know when and how to reach me, they actually "need" to contact me less often.

When I think highly of the work, so do my workers.

When I create a supportive work environment, there is less turnover.

When I approach problems with their work in a collaborative way, my workers are more likely to make improvements to their work patterns.

When I say what I mean and mean what I say, my workers know they can count on me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you have any observations or lessons you have learned from supervising others, feel free to share them.

Of inspiration and everyday heroes

2010-10-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

or, why I love facebook

As a student in high school, I was deeply involved in the Arts - music, choir, theater, dance. Our high school had such an excellent program that it became the district magnet for all these, plus multiple bands. Our leader, Mr. Paul Yonemura, poured himself into the program, into the kids, and into the music. This led to award-winning results, but even more importantly, it led to kids who felt connected to each other and to their high school. The band room was a safe place. Music classes were challenging and there were high expectations. You had to be on your game, in the flow. You were just as proud of being in the band as you were to be on the football team, or on the honor roll. There were no cruel cliques in music - just you and your schoolmates of all ages making music. Together.

We are the Gauchos - YEAH - and we are proud - YEAH - that's why we yell - YEAH - so very LOUD!!

How many of you feel discouraged about the world, about the future? Raise your hand, I know you're out there. I know I sure do. Maintaining hope and optimism sometimes takes effort on my part, especially with bad news everywhere, including at my old high school. The once proud and mighty high school music program has become, 20 years later, a struggling one. The instruments are ancient, the sheet music desperately needs to be replaced, and the program underfunded. Like most schools, there is money for academics, but not for Arts. Administrators back the programs that mean something to them, and recent principals have focused the limited resources elsewhere.

People forget that there's more to music programs than music. It's about discipline, and practice, and working together, and making goals, and falling short, and more practice, and finally reaching your goals. It's about feeling a part of something bigger than yourself, about belonging (especially if you are a little odd and don't feel like you belong anywhere else). It's about what you bring, not what you look like, what gender you are, whether you have a perfect body, whether you dress in certain clothes, where you go to church, who you're attracted to. It's about being responsible to yourself and to others and to your leader. It's about commitment and sacrifice. How many of these experiences get taught in a classroom?

And then there's this interesting little social phenomenon called facebook. This remarkable networking system has brought Gauchos from all over back in touch with each other. And one day, a band member posted a picture from an award-winning year. Instantly the memories rushed in, the postings about who was who, and where they were now, and "do you remember..." And someone had a brilliant idea to form a reunion band to raise money for the current program. (You can see more details here.) And this is why I love facebook. For me it's not about how many friends I can collect, or how many ways I can share my opinion, or brag about my life, or discuss the minutiae of an often mudane existence. It's because it is connecting me in a real way with people from my past with whom I lost touch. People who I would never have been able to find again in traditional reunions, because they were not in my graduating class. And facebook is what helped me learn about this event, since I no longer live in my high school hometown.

The concert was yesterday. It was fabulous! There were alumni from the '60's, '70's, '80's. I saw so many old friends and past teachers. The event raised close to $30,000. Inspiration and everyday heroes and hope for the future. 40 alumni, coming from all over the world (even a past exchange student from Norway returned for this event!), spending their own money and time to get here, to raise money and awareness. What does that tell you about the importance of music, and Mr. Y, and their experiences in the music program? These are all regular people, putting their talents and time towards a common goal. These everyday heroes are not rich, not philanthropists, and not in it for the glory. They saw a need and they worked to help. Inspiration. Everyday heroes.

The band and its supporters met for drinks at a local pub after the concert. Standing outside the pub on the corner, you could hear the sounds of people re-connecting, sharing memories, having a good time. The door opens, and as Mr. Y walks in, a cheer goes up that carries for two blocks.

It's an ovation that will last a lifetime.

If at first you don't succeed....

2010-09-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

I've been trying several baked doughnut recipes over the past few weeks. None have come close to either a) the delicious, albeit fried, doughnuts one can purchase at the local doughnut shop, and b) the delicious, albeit fried, spiced doughnuts I made as a child. Not to mention the horrible recipe that came with the doughnut pans. Bleck. People in China obviously are missing out on the culinary beauty that is the doughnut.

Anyhoo, it was like Goldilocks was the taste-tester - too tough, too bready, too soft, too buttermilk-y. But! I think I finally found the right combination.

Looks good, smells good, tastes good.

Just right!

What price, beauty?

2010-09-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering what it means to appreciate beauty. Not the geographical or altruistic kind, but the personal, appearance-based, social constructs of what makes someone beautiful. So many women hit a certain age (it varies depending on the woman, but seems to be about the age I am now) and decide to alter their appearance in some way - botox, hair color, permanent make-up, plastic surgery, liposuction, and so forth. What makes them do it? If "beauty is truth, truth beauty" as Keats said, what lies are being told in the quest for perfect body parts? Why is it so difficult to see wrinkles and freckles and tummies and the other signs of a life well-lived as beauty?

5 Things

2010-09-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger has posted "5 Things I'm All About." These are 5 things "that she is so passionate about, she feels compelled to write them in capital letters. Five things that she's almost afraid to say out loud because they might be a little bit unpopular...or radical...or debate-inducing. And yet they are the rock-bottom hardcore reality of what makes her" who she is.

In other words, the passion, the deep inner knowledge, and the reality of HER.

So, as is so often the case, I'd like to take a page from her book. (see original post here.)

5 Things I'm All About
1. You are who you are, and that's OK. Gender, color, sexual orientation, ability, age, class, political affiliation, state of residence, you name it, there is someone out there who is it. And that's OK. Embrace yourself. You are all you've got. You are not perfect, but that's OK - neither am I. Accept your quirks. Get to know yourself. Change what needs changing. Love what needs loving. But know that you are special, and important. Don't let anyone, anywhere, anytime, make you feel "less than." That being said, this does not give you license or entitlement to do as you please, because:
2. We need each other. We are social beings who need the support, constructive criticism, guidance, egging-on, and acceptance of other social beings. You are who you are, but you need to be you in a group. There is wisdom and love and protection in a group. There is family and connection and a cheering section in a group. There are people to walk with, to vent on, to cling to. And that group needs you, too. And what you do affects this group, and vice versa.
3. Despite the efforts of many fanatical idiots in religions the world over, I still believe in God. I learn more about God every day, and in so doing, find myself less and less willing to put God into a box. No old man in white robes here, no angry omnipotent wielder of thunderbolts, no soft weepy New Age space-case, no muddy earthy Goddess, no irritatingly transcendant teacher. Instead, a force; an energy; a creative power; an intense love; a connective tissue weaving molecules and elements into living things. Bigger than me, but inside my heart. Smaller than can be measured, but everywhere at once.
4. This world needs more feminine energy. For too long we have lived the lie that female is evil, or wrong, or opposite of male, or less than male. Male vs. Female has become an either/or, a competition, a zero-sum game; one is stronger and one weaker, one has to be "on top," the winner. It's not so. We all have a mixture of each in us and that mixture needs to be balanced. We are people, and we all lose if part of us is denied. We need to recognize and nurture the importance of, the holiness of, the feminine. Male has dominated for several centuries, and now this world is crying out for the Female.
5. Sometimes you just gotta say, screw it, and go have some fun. Life can be pretty serious. We are all working hard on our CAREERS, our CHILDREN, our SOCIETY, our WORLD. We need a break. Take one. Go have some fun. Roll in the grass, eat a pint of ice cream, stay up all night reading a book, buy that sexy pair of red stilettos, pick wildflowers, do something FUN. Be in the moment. Enjoy this crazy life.

What are you all about?

Paradigm Shift

2010-09-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

So I realized today that I have officially made a shift in my thinking.

Right about 11:15 or so, I was contemplating lunch, and a sweet little something for afters. Or perhaps more accurately, the lack of a sweet little something for afters. An hour later, as I pulled my lunch from the fridge at work, I noticed I had brought some leftover corn on the cob. My first thought was, "oh, now I don't need to buy any cookies."

I know. I KNOW!

The corn-on-the-cob is from our local fields, and so so sweet and crunchy and fresh. I honestly knew I would feel a satisfied sweet tooth after eating it. And I did.

Eating local, eating fresh, and eating healthy foods really does change your mind and body. I wouldn't have believed it myself a couple of years ago. (And I still love cookies, don't get me wrong!!) It has taken effort and time and practice to get to this moment, though. And the moment is as sweet as the corn.

Me and Mr. Buble

2010-08-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

...we've got a thing, going on...

My BFF Nicole and I went to see our shared crush, Michael Buble, for his Crazy Love Tour. Lord have mercy. The man can sing. And it doesn't hurt that he's nice to look at.

photo from www.michaelbuble.com

I thoroughly enjoyed the show. The multiple-piece band was outstanding, the singing was amazing, and MB completely entertaining.

What is it about live music? There's something different about being in the same room as a band or a singer, even if it is a huge arena. The vibrations get into you somehow, and it feels like you are part of what's happening. And for a music lover like me, being in a place where there is real musical talent is very life-affirming.

Plus, it's fun to squeal at a heart-throb like a lovesick teenager.

Intoxicating

2010-08-22T18:20:00.001-07:00

or, I get high with a little help from my KitchenAid.

I just spent the last 3 hours in the kitchen, and the sights and tastes and scents are unbelievable.

Almost obscenely voluptuous "shady lady" tomatoes.

Tomato pie = heaven

Creamy and silky (ha!) corn puddin'

Spicy and sweet snickerdoodles

Eggy, cheesy, creamy, crispy, juicy, crunchy, spicy, and oh-so-intoxicating. All from scratch with fresh, organic, local ingredients (except for the cookies, which, while homemade, used several well-travelled ingredients such as nutmeg and cinnamon).

I am in love with my food.

90 Years Later

2010-08-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

A very important anniversary is taking place this last week. Do you know it? August 20 marks the 90th anniversary of the passage of the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."

The right to vote. It's a powerful thing, to be able to cast your vote. To be able to speak up, even symbolically, about what is important and who you want to lead and what issues deserve funding. But recognizing this civil right is only the beginning. Read this article by Carol Peasley to see what else needs to be done. Read the text of the Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination Against Women and educate yourself.

Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Now I say that with cruelty and oppression it is everybody's business to interfere when they see it. -- Anna Sewell

While there is a lower class I am in it, while there is a criminal element I am of it, while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. -- Eugene V. Debs

I asked them why one read in the synagogue service every week the 'I thank thee, O Lord, that I was not born a woman.' "It is not meant in an unfriendly spirit, and it is not intended to degrade and humiliate women" [they said.] But it does, nevertheless. Suppose the service read, 'I thank thee, O Lord, that I was not born a jackass.' Could that be twisted in any way into a compliment to the jackass? - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

What can you do to eliminate discrimination?

Razr scooter of DOOM

2010-08-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

Behold the razr scooter:

I'm either too old to be playing with these, or they are from Satan. Last night, mine bronco-bucked me into the gutter. Just where a 37-year-old on her way to a Cookie Lee party wants to end up.

Parents, you have been warned. I will never make fun of another kid in protective gear on one of these again.

Latest Books of Note

2010-08-17T09:27:00.001-07:00

Or, what I did this summer.

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. This summer was the 50th anniversary of the book, so a good excuse to read it again. I must say - it was better this time than when I was 12. Great story, great characters, great lessons.
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, by Barbara Kingsolver. It is not an exaggeration for me to say that this book has changed my life.
Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, by Jillian Lauren. What I thought would be trashy lightweight reading a la People or Us magazine turned out to be an insightful, tragic, and informative account of Jillian's experiences. I was moved, and educated.
Orange is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison, by Piper Kerman. Eye-opening and fascinating, but not in a sensational way. What I love about Piper's account is how she brings honesty and humanity to her portrayals of the women she met. This book has made me want to help inmates transition back to the outside. But I don't know what to do with that yet.
Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson. Non-stop action and adventure. And c'mon, PIRATES.
Lady Julia Grey Trio - Silent as the Grave, Silent in the Sanctuary, and Silent on the Moor, by Deanna Rayburn. First of all, deal of the summer - all three of these in a bundle on my kindle for $9.99. Score! Second of all, great escapist books - very Victorian Gothic, very mysterious, very British. Nice break from the every day.
Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon. Recommended for years by Mom, finally I'm getting to it. Great read with dashing hero and intelligent heroine, time travel, Scots brogue, history, and lots of sexy bits. What more could you want, I ask you.

What are you reading this summer?

Last of the Free Fridays

2010-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my last Friday off. During summer I have a reduced schedule, with a short Thursday and a free Friday. It's been lovely - but honestly? I don't really spend a lot of time out and about doing fun stuff. It seems most of my free Fridays this year have been taken up with errands and housework.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do today. Massage? Road trip? Bookstore? Exploring my city? But a phone call earlier this week settled it.

"Hello, this is Jane from Bloodsource. We are in need of donations from your blood type and wonder if you could come in soon. Please call us to set up an appointment for a life-saving donation."

They made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

So today, it's off to an extravagant breakfast, then a blood donation, then home to rest. Kicking back, an excuse to eat good food and lots of it, and saving lives. Does it get any better?

For more information about donating blood, please see the American Red Cross website. They can help you find a local blood drive or blood donation center. Please consider being a donor - each donation saves multiple lives, and only 8% of those eligible to donate actually do so.

Still here

2010-08-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

I've been enjoying a break from the blog lately, but I'm still here. Hope you are taking some time out from your regular activities, too!

Deep-Fried Fun

2010-07-31T11:46:00.000-07:00

Summer is not complete without Girls' Night Out at the California State Fair.

BFF's Forever

Geckos

Turtles

Jen Lightyear

Corndog and Corn-on-the-Cob

Deep-fried-whatever-you-want

I got the twinkie. So gross, yet so good.

Stuffed and happy BFFs

Power to the People

2010-07-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today is the 20th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, a piece of legislation that ensures the rights of people with disabilities by establishing a clear and comprehensive national mandate for the elimination of discrimination against people with disabilities. The ADA has expanded opportunities for Americans with disabilities by reducing barriers and changing perceptions, increasing full participation in community life.

On the 20th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, I celebrate and recognize the progress that has been made by reaffirming the principles of equality and inclusion and recommitting my efforts to educate and advocate for these principles.

In the kitchen

2010-07-25T11:45:00.001-07:00

Making lasagna with farm box goodies, farmer's market goodies, giveaways from gardens goodies, and whatever else I can toss in.

In the news

2010-07-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

A collection of the latest stories:

Kate Gosselin and Sarah Palin are going camping. Really? THIS is what Palin is doing with herself since she left the Governor's office? Any last smidge of respect that I might have had for her is gone. And of course, Gosselin is a desperate fame whore, too, I guess.
Lots of whales are visiting Monterey Bay right now due to an excess of krill, their fave food. See awesome pictures here. If you can, get over to Monterey Bay and take a whale watching tour.
Women are making big strides in the Navy. This year, women swept the Sailor of the Year awards. Go ahead, women. Serve your country, do it well, and show us there are no limits to your greatness.
A program called U-CAN (United College Action Network) is helping at-risk teens finish high school and go on to college. Fabulous efforts and good news for the kids it helps. Since its founding in 1988, U-CAN has helped more than 10,000 students get accepted into four-year colleges and universities.

What's new in your world?

Denver, the Mile-high City

2010-07-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

They should change the nickname to "The Grumpy Waiters and Jaywalking Citizens City." But it doesn't really have the same catchiness.

Just home from a few days in Denver, mostly spent attending conference workshops. However, I would not be me if I didn't squeeze in some adventure while away from home.

16th St. Mall, a pedestrian thoroughfare running through downtown.

Naturally, the adventures included food.

Wiener schnitzel, spaetzle with mushroom gravy, and sauerkraut - Cafe Berlin.

Food of my people.

Tofu and rice noodle bowl, An's Lemongrass Grille.

Mexican chocolate cupcake, Mermaid Bakery and Pie Shop.

Denver omelette, The Delectable Egg

At the airport on the way home, I had another celebrity encounter. (This is getting to be a habit: last year, Alice Cooper was sitting in first class on my flight from Dallas to Louisville. A couple of years ago, Cliff and I saw Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimoun Hounsou at LAX. Before that, we ate lunch at the table next to George Lucas in Downtown Disney, SoCal.) I met the guys from "Ghost Adventures," a travel/paranormal show on the Travel Network. No, I did not take pictures. No, I did not get autographs. You'll just have to take my word for it that they fell at my feet and begged me to grace them with my conversation, and that they asked me where I have been all their life, and.... What? You don't believe me? Oh, all right, we just chatted about their show.

Great city.

Forever a Girl Scout

2010-07-09T12:41:00.001-07:00

Or, how to be prepared

I made plans this weekend to prepare my disaster/emergency kit, in case of a, well, disaster or emergency. The world can be pretty unstable what with all the earthquakes, storms, tsunamis, mudslides, river flooding, and all that. And as we discovered a couple of summers ago *, an emergency evacuation doesn't give you time to go through your house and pack things to take with you.

* Exhibit A: when evacuation means get the f%@# out, NOW.

Thus - the disaster kit**. One for me, one for TH, and one for the cat. To be stored by the exit of our home and portable enough to carry on our backs.

**Et voila.

You can't see it, but there is a full change of clothes and pair of shoes, as well as "toilet kit" (ahem), and a space blanket, poncho, and glow stick. Also we each have a flashlight.

Kitty-boy's bag has food, litter, water, and will have a blanket and plastic feeding dishes.

We will also carry copies of important documents (ID, birth certificates, vet info for the cat, etc.) and cash.

For information on how to build your own kit, see this site. The wonderful amazon.com sells many items, if you need help finding them, but for me? I went to Target and spent about $120.00. Many of the items will not go bad, so think of it as an investment. $30 of that went towards a pre-made first aid kit. Considering I live with a nurse and I am First Aid/CPR certified, I figured we will be called upon to give help, and would need a more complete kit***. You can make your own for cheaper.

***Amazing, complete kit for those who dig being extra-prepared.

If you have a medical condition or special needs, that is even more reason to be prepared and have a plan. So get yourself ready, because you never know. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Start small - any preparation is better than none. How about starting with a small bag of food and water? And put a blanket in your car. Most people have that kind of extra stuff just sitting around the house already - just gather it in one place, go to Goodwill and buy a tote or backpack and make a quick kit for yourself. Everyone can be a girl scout.

I'm just thinkin'.

2010-07-01T09:58:00.001-07:00

I am completely fascinated by how people make changes. I've seen this process every day, a million times, in a million ways, in myself and those around me - for decisions big and small. What is interesting to me is this: people have their own timeline, and despite any evidence, observations, commentary, etc., people make changes when they are ready and not a moment sooner.

What fascinates you about people?

Swimming success story

2010-06-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day in the pool. After 15 minutes, I was noodle-legged and out of breath. But happy - I easily swam through two cycles of 2 laps then 12 breaths rest. The next two cycles of the same were tougher, but I got it done. This is better than I expected. And today I feel my muscles, but I am not sore.

Two thumbs up for the summer workout! I will happily substitute this for running, as long as the weather stays in the 80's-100's.

Thoughts on Conflict and Resolution

2010-06-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I participated in a weeklong training workshop on conflict resolution, focusing on negotiation and mediation. One of the presenters is a professor at Sacramento State and also a mover and shaker in the field of mediation (both internationally and domestically). The other presenter is a lawyer who works primarily in arbitration, mediation, and negotiation. It was intense. Each day was packed with information, role plays, and debriefing. There was barely time for breaks and lunch. It took me until Thursday to finally speak up and negotiate (heh!) a more acceptable arrangement. But I'm glad to have gone through this experience.

Here are a few thoughts from the training:

What does conflict mean to you? Can conflict lead to positive outcomes?
Conflicts tend to fall into general categories, which often overlap. Conflicts can arise over data (information), values, relationship, behavior, or structure (institution or organization). However, while considering which category the conflict may fall under, one should also be aware of one's own perceptions about these categories and how that may affect the conflict.
In resolving conflicts, there are five general responses: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, and collaboration. The focus of this workshop was collaboration.
During negotiation, people's true interests are rarely articulated. But if you can understand or empathize with where someone is coming from and what interests they are trying to address, you will be more successful in your negotiation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am struck yet again by how important it is to collaborate with each other, and to understand (even minimally) where each of us is coming from, and what is important to us. In every process, in every interaction: community and context are keys to how I function in this world.

You know it's summer in the Valley when...

2010-06-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

It's 80 degrees. At 7:00 am.
The air conditioner doesn't seem to cycle off, and your thermostat is only set at 79.
The idea of cooking seems overwhelming.
Even if you cooked something, hot food doesn't seem appetizing.
You carry a water bottle with you. Everywhere. Even in the house.
You want to sit around in your chonies because even your shorts and tank top feel like too much.
Your steering wheel is too hot to handle.
You park far away from your destination if it means you can park in the shade.

Feel free to add your own "you know's."

When the going gets hot...

2010-06-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

... the hot go swimming.

Now that daytime temperatures are more 90-ish than 70-ish, it's time to move from land to pool. Last year the pool on campus was closed for repair, but this year, it's there for the taking! I found a simple swim plan that starts from scratch. Next it's time for the gear: a swimsuit that can take the chlorine, goggles, and possibly a swim cap.

I am very excited about starting a new exercise routine!

I'm just sayin'.

2010-06-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

(Totally unrelated to the training that I'm in this week.)

I just thought of an awesome retort, that I cannot use because a) it comes about 12 hours too late, and b) I am determined to take the high road and not snipe at someone important to those I love.

Dang. It's such a good one, too - the perfect blend of truth, cutting commentary, and clever insult.

In training

2010-06-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I do not enjoy conflict. I can handle myself just fine, and I can usually end up with a happy student/colleague/whomever, but I am a quivering mess before, during, and after the confrontation. Occasionally I even end up physically sick. Yet my boss is convinced I have great innate mediation skills and has sent me into battle a few times. So the last couple of years, my performance objectives for the year have included a request for some advanced training in conflict resolution and/or mediation skills.

This year my chance came up! So this week, from 8:30-5:00 every day, I am attending an intense and intensive workshop with 17 other diverse people. There's the school principal, the African nuns, the German journalist who flew in from Chad (Africa) two days ago, the community college staff, the lawyer, and lil old me, among others. We're covering definitions of conflict, types of conflict, negotiation, two days of mediation, and much much much more. I'll try to share some wisdom later this week.

Meanwhile, I've packed my purse with tums and am practicing my yoga breathing to keep the heart rate steady. Wish me luck.

The sky is falling!!

2010-06-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

Have you heard? There are nasty solar storms ahead!!

Thanks, yahoo news. Because I really needed more things to worry about.

Political madness

2010-06-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

The primaries are Tuesday and there has been mud-slinging on the airwaves for months. TH and I are so sick of political commercials that we have taken to finding excuses to leaving the room when they come on. On the plus side, this means more exercise. On the minus side, most of our excuses involve getting ice cream or other snacks.

Sadly, it seems that it is not enough to discuss positions on issues. No - if one is running for office, one must dig up dirt on one's opponent and spread it around as much as possible, then use polls to see if one must actually flip flop on issues in order to gain points. One must also spend money. Lots of money. Obscene amounts of money. By some accounts, candidate Meg Whitman has spent $90 million so far. $90 million is a lot of moolah. By contrast, when I worked for the state of California in an early intervention program, our total budget was $15 million. We served approximately 125 programs statewide, had a staff of 6 professionals and 15 consultants, and served hundreds of kids, thereby keeping many of them out of trouble and out of more costly programs and services.

Instead of buying elections, what this state really needs is for some of that $90 mill to help fill the gaps. Instead of spreading the bullshit, what the people of California really need is a politician who cares about them by putting the money where it will do the most good - back into community programs and services, education, and support. How far would $90 million go to helping kids in our state? Towards helping people find employment? Towards easing budget cuts to education? Towards easing budget cuts to animal shelters?

"The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal - that you can gather votes like box tops - is... the ultimate indignity to the democratic process." ~Adlai Stevenson, speech, Democratic National Convention, 18 August 1956

National Doughnut Day

2010-06-03T09:22:00.001-07:00

I plan to be high on doughnuts all day tomorrow, so I wanted to post this today. Be sure to celebrate!

National Doughnut Day is recognized on the first Friday in June. It was created in 1938 by the Salvation Army to recognize the women who served doughnuts to soliders during WW I.

ps. Yes, the proper spelling is D-O-U-G-H-N-U-T, not D-O-N-U-T.

pps. Yes, you can get vegan/vegetarian doughnuts. Check your local Whole Foods or google vegan/vegetarian bakeries in your area.

I'm just thinkin'.

2010-06-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
-- Buddha

Is the love you give yourself the same as the love you give to others? Think about it. How many times do you call yourself names, or put yourself down, or belittle your life - and would you do the same to your friend? How can you love yourself more?

I'm just sayin'.

2010-06-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

I wish that advertisers would stop trying to cute-ify yucky stuff. For example - Mr. Mucous in the Mucinex commercials, and now an animated wart in some wart medicine commercial. Really, people. No matter how hard you try...some things are just gross.

Book review: for Jane Austen Addicts

2010-05-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict & Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict, both by Laurie Viera Rigler.

I read Confessions a few years ago, and enjoyed its fanciful premise: a modern-day woman, Courtney, is transported back to Regency England and finds herself trapped in the body and life of a young woman of the time, Jane.

Imagine my delight to find the "sequel," Awakenings, which tells the other side of the story - Jane's experiences in Courtney's life and times. So the stories are a little fluffy, and there's the whole unrealistic time travel aspect. So what? These books are fun diversions and made me look at life in modern America and in Regency England in new ways.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel....

2010-05-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

..... I just hope it's not a train.

It's the end of the semester, which means finals week, which means I am swamped with work and essentially do not get to leave my office for the entire workday. But it ends tomorrow at 5:00 pm, and if you listen closely you may hear my celebratory shouts of elation.

My latest grief group ended Sunday after 5 weeks, so that's done. I won't have to lead this again till Fall, so that's a load off.

I have been fighting a cold, struggling with insomnia, and trying to maintain my sanity without my regular exercise regimen. My health feels a little ragged, but I know this weekend I will have a chance to rest.

Take care, blog friends. Hope the next week or so brings you some relief, too.

An Allergy Haiku

2010-05-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

Oh pollen, you bitch
Stay out of my sinuses!
Somebody shoot me.

Personal space. I wants it.

2010-05-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

MEMO
To: People who crowd up next to or behind me in line.

Back off.

Ta!
Jen

--------------------------------------------------------------

Seriously? Crowding me will not make the line go faster. Maintain your distance, at least 12 inches but preferably 24 inches, at all times.

Do you not get it? Let me spell it out for you.

If you can move my hair (which is short) with your breath (which is gross), you are too close.
If you brush up against my purse (which is held close to my body), you are too close.
If by turning my head I could give you cooties, you are too close.
If I can smell your deodorant (or lack thereof), you are too close.
If by shifting my weight I bump you with my elbow (for which, in all honesty, I don't really feel I should apologize, because I am not the one who caused that unfortunate accident, that is your fault, you rude space-hogging cretin, however MY parents raised a courteous citizen so I beg your pardon), YOU ARE TOO FRICKIN' CLOSE.

I feel I have made my point.

I want to ride my bicycle!

2010-05-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

The past two weekends, TH and I have been riding our bikes around the 'hood. Last weekend it was over to the farmer's market. Today we rode over to our city's Living History Day. I love riding my bike. Besides the fact that it is black with pink flames (sweet!), I love feeling the breeze on my face and hearing the sounds of the world instead of being encased in steel and glass. I love racing with the birds and dragonflies. I love the pull of my quads and hamstrings. Yup, I love riding my bike.

It's up to us

2010-04-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the Honorable Cruz Reynoso spoke on campus in honor of the Ethnic Studies Department's 40th anniversary. Mr Reynoso has been a leader in civil rights law and has seen a lot of history during his lifespan. His comments were especially important in light of the latest immigration law in Arizona.

Mr. Reynoso spoke in part about the importance of acting against injustice. He said, "when you act on an issue, you can make changes." He spoke about what he refers to as his "justice bone," that part of him that feels the pain of injustice and spurs him to speak up and speak out. He spoke of his life experiences with civil rights, and how he's observed that denial of rights is often caused by fear - fear of "other," fears based on sterotype or pre-judging people, fear of what might happen.

Which is what made me think of Arizona. Here is a place where fear has nudged rational thought out of the spotlight. Immigration is a complex issue, indeed, and I don't pretend to have all the answers. However, I believe the new legislation is creating an environment where people make decisions based on fear - fear of "those people" - fear of what will happen to you if you're brown (whether you are legal or not) - fear of reporting crimes against us, if we are illegal, because we will then be deported - fear of getting help. It is a step in the wrong direction. And we need to speak up and speak out about it, because change is up to us.

My favorite editorialist, Mr. Leonard Pitts, Jr., also has a few things to say about how change happens. People too often feel that "time heals all wounds" and that time will fix social problems. But Mr. Pitts, like Mr. Reynoso, knows that it is people who bring change, people who make choices that lead to social justice.

Justice does not come with tomorrow. It's up to us to bring it forth, with our choices, our words, our lives.

I'm just sayin'.

2010-04-26T08:49:00.001-07:00

Can somebody please explain to me why I need to know about the lives of the Kardashian people? I don't get it.

Love your Mother

2010-04-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Earth Day!

This is the only one we've got, so do your part to keep her whole.

photo courtesy of http://www.freeimageslive.com

Less is the new more

2010-04-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

TH and I have been doing fairly well lately, despite the economy being so kooky. Our success is equal parts good luck, hard work, and well-thought-out choices. We are in solid professions and (mostly) live within our means. So we're hoping that we aren't crazy for deciding to reduce TH's hours (thereby reducing his income).

The way I figure it, giving him an extra day off a week will be a win-win-win. He wins by relaxing a little bit, shaking off the work stress, decompressing, and being healthier as a result. I win because he will be more fun to be around, I'll feel better knowing he is less stressed, and he will be at home on a weekday (so we can schedule home business for that day and I won't have to take time away from my job). Our life wins because we are both re-examining our budget, finding ways to tighten the belt, doing more with less, and being smarter about what we spend.

So, I may be less willing to pick up the tab while eating out with the BFFs. I may spend less time buying clothes and shoes. I may be visiting the library or seeking out used bookstores instead of Barnes and Noble. We may eat out less.

But I have no doubt that we will still be just as happy. And that's what really matters.

I'm just thinkin'.

2010-04-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

"We may never be strong enough to be entirely nonviolent in thought, word and deed. But we must keep nonviolence as our goal and make strong progress towards it." - Gandhi

How do I let violence slip into my daily life? What would it mean to be non-violent in thought and word as well as deed?

Song of the Day

2010-04-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

Through the corridors of sleep
Past the shadows dark and deep
My mind dances and leaps in confusion.
I don't know what is real,
I can't touch what I feel
And I hide behind the shield of my illusion.

So I'll continue to continue
to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

The mirror on my wall
Casts an image dark and small
But I'm not sure at all it's my reflection.
I am blinded by the light
Of God and truth and right
And I wander in the night without direction.

So I'll continue to continue
to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

It's no matter if you're born
To play the King or pawn
For the line is thinly drawn
'tween joy and sorrow,
So my fantasy
Becomes reality,
And I must be what I must be
and face tomorrow.

So I'll continue to continue
to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

(Flowers never Bend with the Rainfall, Paul Simon)

Lenten sacrifice report

2010-04-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

Since Easter has passed, all self-imposed Lenten restrictions are off. In other words - I CAN BUY BOOKS AGAIN!!!!! I can't tell you how many of my friends assumed that I ran straight to a bookstore after church on Sunday to binge. But I didn't feel like it. And I haven't felt the urge to buy an armful of books. But I did need to get a copy of my book club's next selection. So I went to the bookstore today, found the book I needed, and did a little browsing. And only bought one book.

Yes. One.

I realized that one was enough. And that there is a used book sale coming up that I want to go to. And that while many of the books looked good, none looked like ones I really wanted to read. And so while my hands felt strangely light leaving with only one book, my spirit felt lighter still.

All this beauty

2010-04-05T09:54:00.001-07:00

For the beauty of the earth,

For the beauty of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

--------------------------------------

For the beauty of each hour

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

Sun and moon and stars of light,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

--------------------------------------

For the joy of human love,

Brother, sister, parent, child,

Friends on earth, and friends above,

Pleasures pure and undefiled,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

-------------------------------------

For each perfect gift of thine,

To our race so freely given,

Graces human and divine,

Flowers of earth and buds of heaven,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

-------------------------------------

For thyself, best Gift Divine,

to the world so freely given,

for that great, great love of thine,

peace on earth, and joy in heaven:

Lord of all, to thee we raise

this our hymn of grateful praise.

---------------------------------------

(Traditional Christian hymn. Text: Folliot S. Pierpoint)

Happy Easter.

Tenebrae

2010-04-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

(Latin for shadows, darkness)

Today is Good Friday. In many Christian churches, this day brings a tenebrae service to commemorate the crucifixion of Christ and the day of darkness following his death.

It's also a reminder to me of how things don't stay static: grief precedes enlightenment, death precedes life, winter precedes spring, and life itself is cyclical in nature.

See you on the other side.

Another reason to love wine

2010-03-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

Several months ago I was wondering how to cook spinach without the bitter flavor. I discovered one way - add some white wine to your onion and garlic and olive oil saute.

Yum.

I'm just sayin'.

2010-03-26T10:11:00.001-07:00

Chocolate doughnuts + vanilla lattes = happy (but somewhat spazzed) me.

Jenni, Jenni quite contrary....

2010-03-21T16:35:00.001-07:00

...How does your garden grow?

With skinned knuckles, a ton of potting mix, dirty fingernails, a spiritual connection to the master gardeners of my matriarchal line, and lots of beautiful living things.

Before

After

Bougainvillaea, phlox, marigolds, petunias, and ranunculus. I think our lemon tree hasn't quite given up yet - there is new growth!!

Close-up on ranunculus, a flower whose name does not capture its charm.

Broom, marigolds, and blue ground-cover-thing-whose-name-I-already-forgot.

I am not known for my gardening skills (matriarchal line notwithstanding), so this is a bold act of courage. At the very least, it's pretty. And so comes Spring!

On the cusp of Spring

2010-03-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Spring is very nearly here in my lovely valley. The trees are blooming, bees are buzzing, and everyone is down for the count with seasonal allergies. Meanwhile, I'm getting the familiar urges that Spring brings to me every year, along with balmy 75 degree days and pollen-covered cars.

Shopping urges. I have the urge to throw out everything in my closet and buy new clothes, shoes, purses, and everything else. This is a tough urge to fight. However, since I technically don't need anything, I will probably have to suck it up and go shopping in my closet - hopefully coming up with some new ideas and combinations that will keep it all fresh.
Cleaning urges. I have this fantasy of taking a mental health day off from work and cleaning out the pantry in our kitchen. I'm positive we have some 5-year-old packages of cornmeal, or some ancient spices, that all need to be tossed. I'm itching to sit down and clean out the tupperware cupboard, to toss (ahem, recycle) all the cracked plastic and the lids with no tub. Nothing would make me happier than emptying the cooking utensil drawer and sorting through the 5 spatulas, 3 slotted spoons, and 4 soup ladles.
Runaway urges. I usually get itchy feet this time of year, paired with a desire to head for the hills. Luckily we live close to the hills.
Nesting urges. Along with throwing out my wardrobe, I feel like redecorating. All my furniture, art, rugs, pillows look old and dingy in this bright Spring-y sunshine.

I find all this craving for something new to be symbolic of the season that's just arriving. Spring is a time of new growth, new beginnings, new life. It's a time for building nests, for the running of sap, for exiting hibernation. It's waking up and shedding and moving and shaking and migrating. It's a good thing to feel and be so in sync with the world around me. What are your Spring urges?

Happiest Place on Earth

2010-03-18T20:22:00.001-07:00

TH and I are Disney freaks. We love Disneyland, Disney movies, Disney memoribilia. But don't worry - we're not obsessed to the point of special rooms packed full of all the Disneyland napkins since opening day 1955 to the present. We just both really enjoy getting lost in the imagination of the parks.

After a trip to the parks we always feel a little lighter, a little more optimistic, and a little more ready to be playful again.

Women Who Dared, V

2010-03-10T09:46:00.001-08:00

Katherine Sui Fun Cheung

(1904-2003)

Ms. Cheung was the first Chinese American woman to become a licensed pilot. "Sui Fun" means courage and long life in Chinese. She immigrated to the US at age 17. While Chinese women were supposed to be quiet and meek, she overcame both cultural and gender expectations. Ms. Cheung loved performing daredevil stunts, and was invited to join many national and international pilot organizations. At the age of 93, she explained in a Los Angeles Times interview, "I wanted to fly, so that's what I did. Some of this stuff I've forgotten, but a lot of it I didn't pay any attention to at the time. I was too busy having fun."

Ms. Cheung, I salute you.

Women Who Dared, IV

2010-03-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Romana Banuelos

b. 1925

Ms. Banuelos' family provided farm and mine labor until 1933, when they moved from Arizona to Sonora, Mexico. In 1949, divorced and with two children, Ms. Banuelos returned to the US and started a tortilla factory in Los Angeles which by 1990 grew to become the largest processor of Mexican food in California. Ms. Banuelos is a founder of the Pan-American Bank. She was appointed US Treasurer in 1971, the first Latina to hold the office.

I salute you, Ms. Banuelos.

A day of rest

2010-03-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

Memo
To: my faithful blog readers and lurkers.
From: a page from her book

Although I greatly enjoy the conversation happening in this space, I'm declaring today a day of rest. Go ye therefore, and rest thy weary minds and hearts. There will be plenty of time tomorrow for more debate and discussion.

With my compassion and affection,
Jen

A response

2010-03-05T11:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Brother:
In response to your comment on my post from yesterday: I thank you for your questioning and seeking, and I hope this helps you understand a little better.

To me, to grossly oversimplify, it seems that women are typically seen as "less-than" and compared, often unfavorably, to men. I am a feminist (unapologetically so), and to me, that means that each of us has the right to make our own decisions for our lives. It doesn't mean that I am better than men. I want respect on my own terms, not on terms decided for me by men, church, society, etc. This doesn't mean I am *not* open to the guidance and shepherding of a community - I am talking basic human respect for the quality of my life being JUST AS important as that of a man's, JUST AS valued, JUST AS respected. I love men and value men, but I'm glad I'm not one and I don't want to be one. I see great value and import in being a woman. There are probably other ways some of the following ideas can be argued (I don't pretend to have all the answers about causation and correlation), but I see a pattern.

In the United States, we live in a culture where women are expected to maintain standards (often impossible) of beauty, but men are not. Women still earn less for the same work (http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0193820.html). The standard subject for medical studies is the middle-aged, white male; therefore the effects of many medicines in women is not well understood - thus getting a prescription makes me feel I am playing roulette with my health. Twice as many women as men suffer from depression. Women are more likely to die from heart disease because their symptoms are usually ignored or misdiagnosed in the emergency room (being different from those of men). Women are overwhelmingly left to single-parent children. Women who are married with families and who work outside the home still shoulder most of the housework. I could go on.

Worldwide, girls are regularly denied education. In China, infant boys are still more highly valued than girls, increasing the number of girls left in orphanages or aborted before birth (which as we know, endangers the mother's health and well-being, too). In Africa, many girls stop going to school once they begin menstruating, because there are no bathrooms for them and they are not excused from class to see to their bleeding. In Juarez, Mexico, women are being slaughtered every day (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2010/01/12/2010-01-12_bloody_mexico_murder_record__69_killed_in_one_day.html). In many countries, rape is still used to silence and intimidate women and girls. In Thailand, and many other Southeast Asian countries, women are forced into or sold into prostitution because their families cannot/will not support them. Why? Too many children. But family planning is also not allowed or not discussed. Women in fundamentalist Islam worldwide are expected to cover up their bodies completely (making them invisible, making them not individual). I could go on.

To see the extent of misogyny all around you:
- Try googling "quotes about women" and see what kind of quotes are out there. In your opinion, are they positive? What values do they reflect? Who said them?
- RE: Church doctrine. Notice how man was created just to be, and woman as his "helper." Notice how creation starts with men, which directly conflicts the actual biological practice of women bearing children. Try talking about God (who is represented in the bible as being neither male nor female) in the feminine and see how quickly people call you heretic or laugh at you. Notice how sermons and messages are primarily taught about the men in the Bible. Yet notice that the first people who found out Jesus was resurrected were WOMEN. Notice how the word "man" "he" and "mankind" are scattered throughout hymns, readings, etc. Imagine what it is like to grow up never hearing yourself represented in the world of faith, not to mention in the trinity (for goodness sakes, can't just one of the trinity be female??).
- Consider how men insult other men by calling them "pussy," "girly," or "ladies." Not to mention the phrase "throw like/run like/play sports like a girl."
- Consider how men tend to see women as objects, ie. whistling at them in the streets, shouting catcalls, ogling. This is not positive attention. This is not recognizing me as a person. It is seeing me as boobs, ass, cunt. As a receptacle, a receiver.
- Consider how the traits we see as "feminine" (nurturing, giving up time to be with family, empathy, peace-making, caring for the sick, feeding and changing and raising children, etc.) are considered negative in the men who embrace them.
- Ask the women in your life about episodes of discrimination, negative attention, abuse, etc. that they have experienced. Ask your mother if she could get credit in her own name once she got married. Consider that 1 in 4 women will be victims of domestic abuse in their lifetimes. Consider that 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18 (If you are in a group with 5 women and girls, at least one of them has been sexually abused. Think about that next time you are surrounded by women). Consider that 73% of rape victims know their attacker. Consider that only 6% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail. Consider living your life in that kind of world.
- Consider how long it took women to fight for and win the right to vote. (From at least 1776 to 1920).
- Consider that women make up over half the population in the USA, but there are only 17 women senators (out of 100) and 76 women representatives (out of 435). With those numbers, would you feel understood and represented in Washington?

I could go on.

I could share my own, deeply personal, stories, but this is not the place.

The hate against me, just for being female. It is constant. It is a barrage. It is a whisper. It infects every conversation I have with a newly-met man (will this man harm me? Can I trust him? Must I prove myself again? Will he be threatened by my intelligence? Do I have to be nice because I don't want him to think I'm a bitch?) and every moment I spend in public (is that man following me? Is this a good place to park? Better not stop at this gas station, don't like the looks of those drivers...don't make eye contact or smile with that one...keep an eye on those teenagers...better be home before dark/midnight/ten pm...can't go running alone after dark... etc.). It is ignored, dismissed (ask yourself, with what other group would we be so OK at dismissing these situations?). It is real. It is my life and that of every woman.

Sister

Women Who Dared, III

2010-03-04T09:13:00.001-08:00

Anonymous Woman

(past-present-future)

Today I salute you, Ms. Anonymous. I honor you. I see you in all women, past, present, and future.

I see you: you who have worked, bled, suffered, thrilled, risen above, raised children, tended gardens, tended souls, prayed, rioted, talked, persuaded, cried, sweated, won, lost, survived. I see you: you who sacrifice, you who break down barriers, you who fulfill menial tasks so that others can move ahead. I see you: you who live lives of quiet desperation, who live lives of privilege, who live lives of poverty, who live lives of abuse, who live lives of happiness. I see you: you who go unseen and forgotten, you whose memories have been poisoned by others, you who have disappeared under regimes political and personal, you who others would seek to destroy. I see you: you who nurture, who build up, who connect, who cherish, who bring peace with your words, actions, and love. I see you: you who do the forgotten and disenfranchised work. I see you: you who do the important and historically significant work. I see you: in all your glorious varieties, ages, sizes, colors, races, backgrounds, histories, herstories.

I see you: you dare to exist.

I see you: you are me.

Women Who Dared II

2010-03-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

Ethel L. Payne

1911-1991

Ms. Payne was known as the "First Lady of the Black Press." She started her career in Chicago in 1951 and moved to Washington D.C. to cover the civil rights movement. She was known to ask the tough questions. She was one of the first black women accredited to the White House Press Corps. In 1972, when CBS hired her, she became the first black female commentator at any major national broadcast network.

Ms. Payne, I salute you.

Women Who Dared

2010-03-02T09:00:00.001-08:00

Marie Stopes (1880-1958)

Marie Stopes and her husband opened the first birth control clinic in England in 1921. One public health official pronounced contraception and any discussion of it "a monstrous crime." Ms. Stopes was a paleobotanist and author who campaigned for greater public access to information related to sex and reproduction. She spent most of her life fighting for women's access to birth control.

Ms. Stopes, I salute you.

ps. In the interest of full disclosure, Ms. Stopes was also a supporter of eugenics. I do not salute you for this, Ms. Stopes. But for your work to advance birth control and accurate reproductive information to women, and to reduce unsafe abortions, I thank you.

March is Women's History Month

2010-03-01T08:56:00.000-08:00

"For most of history, 'Anonymous' was a woman." -- Virgina Woolf

"In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman." ~Nancy Astor

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.~ Diane Mariechild ~

Your own words are the bricks and mortarof the dreams you want to realize.Your words are the greatest power you have.The words you choose and their use establish the life you experience.~ Sonia Croquette ~

Anti-beauty industry and big-pharm rant of the month.

2010-02-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

I saw an ad today for a medication that will help your eyelashes grow thicker.

So, let me get this straight. My teeth are not white enough, my skin not even enough and not the right shade, my eyes are not bright enough, my lips not plump enough or shiny enough, my face not wrinkle-free enough, and my eyebrows not hairless enough. Now my eyelashes are too thin. And that's just what's wrong with my face.

Really? Really, beauty and big-pharm industries? There are people in this world who don't have clean water, children who are dying from easily-preventable medical conditions, people who are starving and homeless, and you put your money into researching, developing, testing, marketing and taking cash from women who are already beautiful?

For shame!

Sacrifice and reflection

2010-02-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Lent is a season of sacrifice and reflection; the 40 days leading up to Easter and the season of new life. Many people choose to use Lent as a time to work on themselves, sacrificing bad habits or patterns or behaviors in order to become a better person, or at least, a more thoughtful person.

This year I have chosen a sacrifice that has already been difficult. I have chosen not to purchase any books. This may seem small, but for a reading-addict like me, this is tough. Not just because I love books, but because I love to browse bookstores in my spare time, I belong to a bookclub, and I have a mini-vacation planned that would cross my path with a favorite independent bookstore. And there are so many great books coming out soon... I decided on this particular sacrifice due in part to my pile of books at home - let's read what we have before buying more, shall we? - and in part due to my almost thoughtless purchasing of hardbacks that are not ultimately books I want to keep.

So, my hope is that this sacrifice will gently lead me to reflect on what books mean to me, and how I can indulge in them in a more respectful way - respectful to my bookshelves, to my wallet, and to the environment.

Just sayin'.

2010-02-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

Hot milk-based soup + too much in the blender at once= hot mess. And burned fingers. Ow.

Books for Black History Month

2010-02-09T15:28:00.000-08:00

In honor of Black History Month, here are some books I've read that have educated me and helped me view my role as a White person in both perpetuating and working to eliminate racial injustice towards my Black brothers and sisters.

"It's the Little Things: Everyday Interactions That Anger, Annoy, and Divide the Races" by Lena Williams.
"A People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn.
"Uprooting Racism: How White People can Work for Social Justice" by Paul Kivel.
"A Country of Strangers: Blacks and Whites in America" by David Shipley.
"Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl" by Harriet Jacobs.
"I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou.
"The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison.
"Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong" by James Loewen.
"Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire (if you're really feeling academic...)
"The Wind Done Gone" by Alice Randall.
"Slaves in the Family" by Edward Ball.
"Cane River" by Lalita Tademy.
"Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison.
"Black Boy" by Richard Wright.
"A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry.

Good reads, all.

Move out of the way

2010-02-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

One of my most unique experiences, something that has only happened a couple of times in my life that I know of, is where I am in the midst of the mundane, and feel a compulsion to act in a certain way so that something BIG can happen. I don't mean to imply that it's anything to do with me, necessarily. I also don't mean it to sound like I'm being used as a puppet. It's really more like a divine nudge to "shove over, kid, and let me show you how it's done."

You could call it the Holy Spirit. Or Magic. Or the Goddess. Or Destiny. Or Angels. Or the feeble workings of a bored imagination. But I can speak only of the truths I experience, and I call it humbling and beautiful and enlightening. It is incredibly moving to feel at one with something so H_U_G_E.

And exhausting, a little.

You Gotta Have HEART

2010-02-04T08:38:00.001-08:00

February 5 is Go Red for Women Day. This is a crucial day for us gals to raise awareness of the #1 killer of women: heart disease. Surprised? It's true. But it's also preventable with some easy steps on your part:

1. Get active. All you need is 30 minutes a day of physical activity - climbing stairs, walking around the block, chasing your kids. You don't have to run a marathon.
2. Eat better. More fruits and vegetables. Less fats and highly-processed foods. Start with small changes. You don't have to go vegan.
3. STOP SMOKING. There is no healthy level of smoking. Period.
4. Lose weight. See steps 1. and 2. There is no shortcut, no magic diet pill. Just do it.
5. Control cholesterol.
6. Manage blood pressure.
7. Reduce blood sugar.

You may need to see a doctor to get readings for 5., 6., and 7. Look into community resources - free blood pressure clinics are common, as are machines in pharmacies. Many cities with medical schools also have free or low cost visits with supervised medical students. Aren't you worth the time and money it takes? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and regardless of how many people don't have adequate health insurance (ahem, Congress!!), it's still a better idea to not get sick in the first place. Make yourself a priority.

February is Black History Month

2010-02-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

"Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise. I rise. I rise." -Maya Angelou

"The cost of liberty is less than the price of repression." -W.E.B. Du Bois

Celebrate the history and herstory of your brothers and sisters this month!

Adventures in Eating

2010-01-29T11:01:00.001-08:00

Since we started our CSA subscription, affectionately known as our "farm box," I've experienced new culinary revelations. Here are some.

After receiving butternut squash at every delivery for the past three months, I am now officially DONE with this particular gourd. I love me some butternut - don't get me wrong - but after multiple rounds of soup, roasted with garlic, baked with stuffing, mashed, etc. - I'm tired of it! I have one more recipe to try - muffins. Then enough till next fall.
I have eaten more mandarin oranges in the past several weeks than I have in my entire life up to this point. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Farm box carrots are waaaaaayyyy better than grocery store carrots.
The apples are the perfect size. So are the potatoes.
Turnips. The jury is still out.
Greens. I have now tried collards, kale, bok choy, tatsoi, and chard. I'm developing a taste for them.
Lettuce actually has a flavor.
Garlic doesn't have to be bitter.
Eggs from happy chickens. 'Nuff said.
Fresh herbs are really easy to dry and taste much better than bottled ones.
TH loves the fresh beets.
I love leeks. Who knew?

For more information about CSAs, see here.

It's the Little Things

2010-01-27T09:19:00.001-08:00

I'm realizing that my happiness at work is not just determined by the BIG THINGS - environment, coworkers, boss, duties - but also by the little things. The new semester started Monday and I am positive this will be a better semester than last. I am making an intentional effort to pursue the following little things:

socialize more. I sometimes get so tied to my office that I forget how important it is to chat with my coworkers. A simple "good morning" and "how was your weekend" will not get in the way of our duties and will go a long way towards smoothing away the grumpies.
close my office door. I spent so long in cubicles and reception desks that I often forget I have a door I can close. This small step can make a big difference in how I concentrate and maintain my sanity.
listen to music at work. See previous post.
take my breaks. While I will always stop to eat, I don't always get up and out of my office and away from my desk. Even a five-, ten-, or fifteen- minute walk helps reset my mental functioning and takes some of the tension out of my shoulders.

What little things would make a big difference in your day?

Deep knowledge

2010-01-22T16:32:00.000-08:00

Do you know something about yourself so deeply that you keep forgetting it? I do. For me it's my love of music. My mom and dad tell me that as a baby, I responded to music early on. They tell me that one of the only things to soothe me was to have someone hold me and sing or hum to me. I made up songs, listened to music, made music, all through childhood. I play violin, sing, and I'm learning piano. Nothing makes me happier than singing along to the radio or my iPod or the song stuck in my head. TH and I met doing musical theater. I could go on.

What's interesting to me is how I know all this, yet each time I feel stressed, I don't automatically turn to music. But if I just listen to music, or spend time practicing an instrument, it's like a whole world opens up to me all over again. I feel the burdens fall from my shoulders. I feel renewed. And a good boogie to my favorite tune is enough to lift my mood for an evening.

What deep knowledge do you have to remind yourself of?

Southwestern Cornbread

2010-01-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

Now that I've been to the Southwest, I want green chile everything. Like this fabulous Green Chile Cornbread from Kokopelli's Cookbook by James and Carol Kunkle. How can cornbread not be delicious, with green chiles, red pepper, onion, bacon, and bacon drippings??